Today I feel like I'm failing at everything. Today my heart hurts a lot. Today I feel like I'm 6 inches away from letting everyone down. That scares me a lot. That's a lie I refuse to give into.
I believe it's part of the process of our sanctification to daily, hourly, (sometimes even minute-ly) reject that which is false and cling to that which is true. There is this tension inside the mind of every believer that we constantly have to stay on top of or else we'll lose our footing.
I am a very strong individual. My mind is so strong, 90% of the time I don't struggle to cling to the truth and I don't struggle to reject what's false. But when I do, it's rough, it's real, it's hard, it's draining. Today is one of those days.
Days like today I wish God would take human form once again and just sit down and have coffee with me for a few minutes. I wish I could audibly hear some verbal affirmation. I wish I could have a physical pat on the back. I wish I could just talk and know that I'm being heard. I wish I could look into His eyes as He speaks and be given full confidence that I am not crazy. I am hearing what I'm hearing. This is real.
Faith is not easy. Neither is trusting. Both are part of the battle.
We're in a battle. Daily. It's not meant to be easy.
I'm encouraged by the fact that even on days where there is so much struggle, I am still not alone. I'm encouraged that even when I am so tired, I have a continual source of unwavering strength to tap into. I'm encouraged that my ability to not fail was never in my hands to begin with.
Bad days happen. Struggle happens. Real life, real hurt, happens.
We can't give up. We can't slow down. And we can't give in to the lies that get thrown at us.
Cling to truth. Unchanging truth. Keep fighting.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Monday, February 28, 2011
Is Your Whole Heart His?
So there is this situation that I have been praying about over the last few months. And I will spare you all the details because they really don’t matter, I just wanted to share the principle with you. It’s been a tough decision; I’ve really been torn about what God would have me do. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my future and where I’m being led and how God has been preparing me and working in my life over the last couple years.
It’s almost funny in a way now to look back because as I’ve been praying about this one situation over the last several months, I never really felt led to a yes or a no answer about any of it. But as I’ve been praying about it the last several months this idea of ‘pursue Christ with all you have’ has started to really stick out to me. I would pray and be sharing all these things with God, questions and thoughts and just all this stuff, trying to figure out the best way to handle the situation, and its like God was saying ‘Rebecca, stop. Do I have your heart? Fully and completely? Are you following after me with all you have?’ And my response was ‘yeah God, pursue Christ-like-ness with all I have, got it. But could you just answer this dilemma over here first. It’ll only take a second. Then I can get right back to that pursuing Christ stuff.’
We focus so much on these ‘little’ decisions. We run around like crazy trying to handle 100 different situations thinking that if we can just get things settled and handled then we will finally have time to devote to God. We will finally have time to sit down and pray like we should. We will finally have time to study the Word and answer the questions we have about theology. We will finally have time to find a ministry that we can get involved in. We will finally have time to get lunch with that person God has laid on our hearts. We will finally have time and attention and strength to pursue a relationship with Christ like we know we need to.
It doesn’t work that way.
We can’t ‘handle’ all this other stuff and reach a point where everything is quiet, peaceful and under control so we can then focus on Christ. Who do we think we are? That’s the whole purpose of the cross-we can’t handle life on our own. We can in no way handle all these things that need handling. Never. Not going to happen. We won’t get there. In contrast, Jesus says ‘take up your cross and follow me.’ He gives lots of other commandments as well, but if you think about it, they all fall under ‘take up your cross and follow me.’ If we are seeking to follow him, to be transformed into His likeness (from the inside out, not the outside in) and if that is our focus- our whole focus, our total focus, our passionate focus….everything else will come together.
I think a lot of times God doesn’t care which decision we make as far as the little details of life. I don’t think the issue is ‘can I do this?’ ‘is this okay God?’. The issue is ‘are you pursuing Christ?’- a life spent following after Him and being conformed into His image? The question isn’t ‘God I want to glorify you, what should I do with my life?’ The question is- Does He have your heart? Your whole heart? Is He your most prized treasure? Are you complete in Him? Is His grace really sufficient for you? And is your life showing it? Are you living it?
If the answer to these is yes, then no matter what decisions you make concerning the little things, you will be glorifying Him and thereby fulfilling your purpose and His plan for your life.
For me the answer has been a total and complete YES…in principle. But principle isn’t enough. We can say we love God, we can truly love God. We can be passionate about our relationship with Christ and yet we can find our selves still not living it out and putting it into practice. For me, in this instance, God wasn’t just asking if He had my whole heart, He knew He did, He was asking me to prove it. “Are you really satisfied completely and totally in Christ? Then set this aside.” Tough? Yes. But the joy and peace that comes in being able to say ‘ok, lets do this’ and then doing it, and then finding that you are in fact completely and totally satisfied in Christ…no words can take on that description.
The cool thing I’m learning is that when you are totally consumed with seeking Christ’s glory, when that is your focus, you will find this unexplainable joy. And peace. Peace so deep and so strong and so eternal. And these decisions, these situations, they all pale in comparison to the glory of Christ. The fact that my simple, futile, messed up life can be used to point people towards the glory of the Savior of the world and encourage others to do the same…blows my mind. I don’t get it. There is no part of me that is good, no part of me worthy or capable of being used for this task. But when I am offered up for His purpose, to be used for His glory, He does just that. Incredible. Not saying decisions wont be tough, not saying we wont have to do things that make us hurt. We do. We will hurt. It will be hard. But the beauty of it is that we are still happy. Although it hurts and its hard, we are more happy enduring that process then if we were to never go through it. We are more happy setting our wants aside when God asks us to, then if we continue pursuing them. It’s not the fake happy that we put on so often, it’s not the fleeting happiness that comes and goes with different earthly pleasures, it’s a happiness that doesn’t come from this world, because its not based on something from this world, and because of that nothing in this world can take it from us.
Whatever you’re struggling to get a handle on, whatever situation you’re struggling to overcome and deal with, whatever decisions you’re struggling to make…Stop. Ask yourself ‘Is my heart His?’ ‘Am I pursuing Christ with everything I have?’ ‘Am I satisfied in Him?’
And if the answer is no, don’t freak out and start a list of things you have to get to working on. No. Just ask Him to make it so. Tell Him you don’t know how to give Him your heart fully but you want to. You don’t know what exactly is standing in the way of pursuing Him with all you have but you want Him to remove it. You aren’t completely satisfied in Him but you want to be. He is faithful, friends, He is so faithful.
Is your whole heart His?
It’s almost funny in a way now to look back because as I’ve been praying about this one situation over the last several months, I never really felt led to a yes or a no answer about any of it. But as I’ve been praying about it the last several months this idea of ‘pursue Christ with all you have’ has started to really stick out to me. I would pray and be sharing all these things with God, questions and thoughts and just all this stuff, trying to figure out the best way to handle the situation, and its like God was saying ‘Rebecca, stop. Do I have your heart? Fully and completely? Are you following after me with all you have?’ And my response was ‘yeah God, pursue Christ-like-ness with all I have, got it. But could you just answer this dilemma over here first. It’ll only take a second. Then I can get right back to that pursuing Christ stuff.’
We focus so much on these ‘little’ decisions. We run around like crazy trying to handle 100 different situations thinking that if we can just get things settled and handled then we will finally have time to devote to God. We will finally have time to sit down and pray like we should. We will finally have time to study the Word and answer the questions we have about theology. We will finally have time to find a ministry that we can get involved in. We will finally have time to get lunch with that person God has laid on our hearts. We will finally have time and attention and strength to pursue a relationship with Christ like we know we need to.
It doesn’t work that way.
We can’t ‘handle’ all this other stuff and reach a point where everything is quiet, peaceful and under control so we can then focus on Christ. Who do we think we are? That’s the whole purpose of the cross-we can’t handle life on our own. We can in no way handle all these things that need handling. Never. Not going to happen. We won’t get there. In contrast, Jesus says ‘take up your cross and follow me.’ He gives lots of other commandments as well, but if you think about it, they all fall under ‘take up your cross and follow me.’ If we are seeking to follow him, to be transformed into His likeness (from the inside out, not the outside in) and if that is our focus- our whole focus, our total focus, our passionate focus….everything else will come together.
I think a lot of times God doesn’t care which decision we make as far as the little details of life. I don’t think the issue is ‘can I do this?’ ‘is this okay God?’. The issue is ‘are you pursuing Christ?’- a life spent following after Him and being conformed into His image? The question isn’t ‘God I want to glorify you, what should I do with my life?’ The question is- Does He have your heart? Your whole heart? Is He your most prized treasure? Are you complete in Him? Is His grace really sufficient for you? And is your life showing it? Are you living it?
If the answer to these is yes, then no matter what decisions you make concerning the little things, you will be glorifying Him and thereby fulfilling your purpose and His plan for your life.
For me the answer has been a total and complete YES…in principle. But principle isn’t enough. We can say we love God, we can truly love God. We can be passionate about our relationship with Christ and yet we can find our selves still not living it out and putting it into practice. For me, in this instance, God wasn’t just asking if He had my whole heart, He knew He did, He was asking me to prove it. “Are you really satisfied completely and totally in Christ? Then set this aside.” Tough? Yes. But the joy and peace that comes in being able to say ‘ok, lets do this’ and then doing it, and then finding that you are in fact completely and totally satisfied in Christ…no words can take on that description.
The cool thing I’m learning is that when you are totally consumed with seeking Christ’s glory, when that is your focus, you will find this unexplainable joy. And peace. Peace so deep and so strong and so eternal. And these decisions, these situations, they all pale in comparison to the glory of Christ. The fact that my simple, futile, messed up life can be used to point people towards the glory of the Savior of the world and encourage others to do the same…blows my mind. I don’t get it. There is no part of me that is good, no part of me worthy or capable of being used for this task. But when I am offered up for His purpose, to be used for His glory, He does just that. Incredible. Not saying decisions wont be tough, not saying we wont have to do things that make us hurt. We do. We will hurt. It will be hard. But the beauty of it is that we are still happy. Although it hurts and its hard, we are more happy enduring that process then if we were to never go through it. We are more happy setting our wants aside when God asks us to, then if we continue pursuing them. It’s not the fake happy that we put on so often, it’s not the fleeting happiness that comes and goes with different earthly pleasures, it’s a happiness that doesn’t come from this world, because its not based on something from this world, and because of that nothing in this world can take it from us.
Whatever you’re struggling to get a handle on, whatever situation you’re struggling to overcome and deal with, whatever decisions you’re struggling to make…Stop. Ask yourself ‘Is my heart His?’ ‘Am I pursuing Christ with everything I have?’ ‘Am I satisfied in Him?’
And if the answer is no, don’t freak out and start a list of things you have to get to working on. No. Just ask Him to make it so. Tell Him you don’t know how to give Him your heart fully but you want to. You don’t know what exactly is standing in the way of pursuing Him with all you have but you want Him to remove it. You aren’t completely satisfied in Him but you want to be. He is faithful, friends, He is so faithful.
Is your whole heart His?
Dear Heart of Mine
Dear heart of mine, why do you run
From the God who loves you, who sent His Son
Cold, relentless, apathy,
Sin so tasty, that leads astray.
These worthless things that we pursue,
That leave us broken, hurt and bruised
‘The heart is deceitfully wicked’, Yes,
We think we’re “ok”; “We’re doing our best.”
Purge us Spirit, Make us whole
Cleanse us from these sins we know
All too well, for His name’s sake
Push us Lord, until we break
Sanctify us more and more
Shake us up, down to the core
Help us stir these stubborn hearts
Else our affections again depart
Jesus! Savior! Lord and King!
“Lead us to the cross,” we sing
On Sunday as we pay our dues,
But do we really have a clue?
Do we really care to try?
Pick up our cross, lay down our lives?
Do we really understand,
The mindset of the Son of Man?
Take our lives and kill our flesh,
Strip us till there’s nothing left,
But Christ, Oh, Christ! and Christ alone,
May this cold heart be like His own.
Ignite us with Your eternal flame,
A burning passion for Your name,
In all the earth, We must push on
For every nation, tribe and tongue!
From the God who loves you, who sent His Son
Cold, relentless, apathy,
Sin so tasty, that leads astray.
These worthless things that we pursue,
That leave us broken, hurt and bruised
‘The heart is deceitfully wicked’, Yes,
We think we’re “ok”; “We’re doing our best.”
Purge us Spirit, Make us whole
Cleanse us from these sins we know
All too well, for His name’s sake
Push us Lord, until we break
Sanctify us more and more
Shake us up, down to the core
Help us stir these stubborn hearts
Else our affections again depart
Jesus! Savior! Lord and King!
“Lead us to the cross,” we sing
On Sunday as we pay our dues,
But do we really have a clue?
Do we really care to try?
Pick up our cross, lay down our lives?
Do we really understand,
The mindset of the Son of Man?
Take our lives and kill our flesh,
Strip us till there’s nothing left,
But Christ, Oh, Christ! and Christ alone,
May this cold heart be like His own.
Ignite us with Your eternal flame,
A burning passion for Your name,
In all the earth, We must push on
For every nation, tribe and tongue!
Monday, August 30, 2010
Hold My Hand
Hold my hand cause I can't see and my only hope is You leading me,
Hold my heart cause the cut is deep and it feels like all life is beginning to flee,
Hold my head cause my thoughts are racing, focus is lost, these are giants I'm facing,
Wipe my tears cause the pain is real, I'm becoming numb when I just want to feel,
Steady my lungs cause I'm so afraid that I'll be found lacking at the end of the day,
Why do I worry and why do I plan when all that I have rests in your hands?
Why do I cry and why do I grieve, Your word is truth, You'll never leave,
Lord take this burden, help me to let go,
Help me believe, Help me to know,
Help me to remember just How far we've come,
How Your love is redeeming, How you sent Your Son,
How in the midst of doubt and fear, everything's wrong and nothing's clear,
Nothing has changed, You're purpose goes on,
You are Good, You are Holy, You are Sovereign, You are GOD
Hold my heart cause the cut is deep and it feels like all life is beginning to flee,
Hold my head cause my thoughts are racing, focus is lost, these are giants I'm facing,
Wipe my tears cause the pain is real, I'm becoming numb when I just want to feel,
Steady my lungs cause I'm so afraid that I'll be found lacking at the end of the day,
Why do I worry and why do I plan when all that I have rests in your hands?
Why do I cry and why do I grieve, Your word is truth, You'll never leave,
Lord take this burden, help me to let go,
Help me believe, Help me to know,
Help me to remember just How far we've come,
How Your love is redeeming, How you sent Your Son,
How in the midst of doubt and fear, everything's wrong and nothing's clear,
Nothing has changed, You're purpose goes on,
You are Good, You are Holy, You are Sovereign, You are GOD
Friday, August 27, 2010
What If His People Prayed?
I fully believe we underestimate the power of prayer. If we really understood it, and really believed what the Bible said about it, we would be spending hours in prayer everyday. Personally, I fail at it. All the time. I have so much to learn and so far to go.
"What if his people prayed, turned from their own way and truely saught his face?"
“Prayer is action. By it we step out in advance of all other results….Praying is an activity upon which all others depend. By prayer we establish a beachhead for the kingdom among peoples where it has never been before. Prayer strikes the winning blow. All other missionary efforts simply gather up the fruits of our praying. ”
David Bryant
"Prayer is the open admission that without Christ we can do nothing. And prayer is the turning away from ourselves to God in the confidence that He will provide the help we need. Prayer humbles us as needy and exalts God as all-sufficient." John Piper
“We can reach our world, if we will. The greatest lack today is not people or funds. The greatest need is prayer.” Wesley Duewel
“In no other way can the believer become as fully involved with God’s work, especially the work of world evangelism, as in intercessory prayer." Dick Eastman
“ It is possible for the most obscure person in a church, with a heart right toward God, to exercise as much power for the evangelization of the world, as it is for those who stand in the most prominent positions.”
John R. Mott
"What if his people prayed, turned from their own way and truely saught his face?"
“Prayer is action. By it we step out in advance of all other results….Praying is an activity upon which all others depend. By prayer we establish a beachhead for the kingdom among peoples where it has never been before. Prayer strikes the winning blow. All other missionary efforts simply gather up the fruits of our praying. ”
David Bryant
"Prayer is the open admission that without Christ we can do nothing. And prayer is the turning away from ourselves to God in the confidence that He will provide the help we need. Prayer humbles us as needy and exalts God as all-sufficient." John Piper
“We can reach our world, if we will. The greatest lack today is not people or funds. The greatest need is prayer.” Wesley Duewel
“In no other way can the believer become as fully involved with God’s work, especially the work of world evangelism, as in intercessory prayer." Dick Eastman
“ It is possible for the most obscure person in a church, with a heart right toward God, to exercise as much power for the evangelization of the world, as it is for those who stand in the most prominent positions.”
John R. Mott
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Our Hope Is Alive
1 Peter 1:3-7 “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith-more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire- may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory.”
Phillipians 1:6 “ And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”
I love the hope found in these passages. As Christians we put our hope in Christ. We believe He died on behalf of us, and through Him our relationship with the Father has been restored. We believe through Him, one day all of Creation will be restored to its intended state. Everything will be made right. He will wipe away every tear, relieve all suffering, and justice will be served to all the Earth. When we are born again and decide to follow Christ, everything is not made right immediately, it is just the start. The Holy Spirit begins a work in us, transforming our hearts and minds to the likeness of Christ. This work continues our whole lives. It can be hard here and now because although Christ has started a great work, everything is not yet right. But it will be, and that is our hope. He who began a good work is faithful to see it finished. He who started a work in us is not going to let it slip away. We are His. Although we have not seen Him, we love Him. We believe in Him and we rejoice -not because life is easy and things are always good, but because they will be. One day Christ will be revealed to the whole Earth, we will watch as He takes His seat on the throne, and He will reign.
This is reason to rejoice now.
Things may be hard, but they are only momentary. We may cry tears because of our struggles, but one day He will personally wipe them all away. We may be in situations that are not fair, but we keep loving and striving to live for Him, because on the day He takes His throne justice will be served and all will be made right.
Don’t forget your hope. Don’t let your heart be discouraged. Keep living for Christ. Keep loving. Keep serving. Keep doing what is right even when you want to stop. Keep praising Him even when you don’t understand your situation. Your hope is alive, He is working, and one day all will be right.
Press on.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Passions/What I Want/What I've Been Too Scared To Try For
I've done a lot of soul searching over the last couple days. I've really had to sit myself down, get brutally honest, and ask myself what's up. I've come to realize that there are several things that have been on my mind, several passions that have been put in my heart, several dreams I have that for some reason or another, other people have convinced me to let go of, to give up on.
I dont have enough money.
I'm not smart enough.
It's not practical.
It's a waste of time.
I'm diabetic.
I'm not 100% financially independent.
I'm' about to be 23 and should really ease up on the adventurous dreaming and make a life plan and figure out what I'm really going to do.
People dont really listen to me, I dont really have influence.
I'm not a leader and done have what it takes.
The list goes on and on.....
Some of these things I tell myself, some of these things other people tell me. Regardless. I've come back to this conclusion. Dreams are worth dreaming. Life is waiting to be taken hold of and lived. Nothing comes easy. Pursuing the passions that God has given you is worth the risk. And people are ALWAYS going to criticize those that dare to try, dare to be different, dare to set high standards and go with it.
So this is what I want to do. And maybe its dumb, maybe I'm crazy. But this is it. This is what I continually return to. I try to run from these things, and it works for a couple months, but I always come back to this. These are the things, the ideas, the visions that make my heart beat. That make tears flow. That make life worth living. This is what I want to pursue. I dont know how. I dont know when. And I know that I HAVE to find some people that can push me towards these goals when I decide once again that I cant do it and try to run. But this is what I want.
1) To write books.
2) To go to seminary.
3) To live a BIG city for a while.
4) To possibly work with Thomas Nelson Publishing.
5) Possibly Samaritans Purse.
6) Have a blog site-with blogs worth reading- and establish a huge reader base.
7) Travel and speak, on passion, on Love ANYWAY, on missions, on LIVING life- all these things that have influenced my life so heavily.
These seem so big. So crazy. So far out there and untouchable. And yet, these are the passions that are within my heart. And when I am not pursuing these goals I find myself in a rut. These are the things I believe God has put in my mind, and burdened my heart with, and these are the things that I can honestly say, if I'm not moving towards, make life seems pointless. And by that I mean, that I believe these are the things that God wants me to pursue and use to build up his kingdom, to glorify his name.
Ultimately the only thing that makes life worth living is pursuing God and seeking to lift up His name, proclaiming and displaying His glory. I think these things are the way he wants me to do that. Maybe I'm crazy. I dont know. But I can sit and think about it for another couple years, or i can begin pursuing it. What to do...What to do...
I dont have enough money.
I'm not smart enough.
It's not practical.
It's a waste of time.
I'm diabetic.
I'm not 100% financially independent.
I'm' about to be 23 and should really ease up on the adventurous dreaming and make a life plan and figure out what I'm really going to do.
People dont really listen to me, I dont really have influence.
I'm not a leader and done have what it takes.
The list goes on and on.....
Some of these things I tell myself, some of these things other people tell me. Regardless. I've come back to this conclusion. Dreams are worth dreaming. Life is waiting to be taken hold of and lived. Nothing comes easy. Pursuing the passions that God has given you is worth the risk. And people are ALWAYS going to criticize those that dare to try, dare to be different, dare to set high standards and go with it.
So this is what I want to do. And maybe its dumb, maybe I'm crazy. But this is it. This is what I continually return to. I try to run from these things, and it works for a couple months, but I always come back to this. These are the things, the ideas, the visions that make my heart beat. That make tears flow. That make life worth living. This is what I want to pursue. I dont know how. I dont know when. And I know that I HAVE to find some people that can push me towards these goals when I decide once again that I cant do it and try to run. But this is what I want.
1) To write books.
2) To go to seminary.
3) To live a BIG city for a while.
4) To possibly work with Thomas Nelson Publishing.
5) Possibly Samaritans Purse.
6) Have a blog site-with blogs worth reading- and establish a huge reader base.
7) Travel and speak, on passion, on Love ANYWAY, on missions, on LIVING life- all these things that have influenced my life so heavily.
These seem so big. So crazy. So far out there and untouchable. And yet, these are the passions that are within my heart. And when I am not pursuing these goals I find myself in a rut. These are the things I believe God has put in my mind, and burdened my heart with, and these are the things that I can honestly say, if I'm not moving towards, make life seems pointless. And by that I mean, that I believe these are the things that God wants me to pursue and use to build up his kingdom, to glorify his name.
Ultimately the only thing that makes life worth living is pursuing God and seeking to lift up His name, proclaiming and displaying His glory. I think these things are the way he wants me to do that. Maybe I'm crazy. I dont know. But I can sit and think about it for another couple years, or i can begin pursuing it. What to do...What to do...
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